Legal Mumbo Jumbo

Terms of Service

By using our website, you agree to the following terms. If you do not agree, strictly speaking, you are trespassing on our server space.

Last Updated: When we felt like it

TL;DR Summary

We own everything. You own nothing. If the market crashes, it's your fault. If our servers crash, it's an "act of God" even though we just forgot to pay the AWS bill.

1. Introduction

Welcome to Trade Copier ("The Service", "The Machine", "The Thing That Takes Your Money"). By accessing or using our website, you acknowledge that you have read, understood, and agreed to be bound by these Terms. If you are reading this, you are likely a lawyer or very bored.

2. Eligibility

You must be at least 18 years old to use this service. If you are a toddler effectively trading crypto on your parent's iPad, your gains are theoretically void, but we will keep the fees.

3. Acceptable Use

You agree not to use the Service to:

  • Violate any laws (unless you are a bank, in which case carry on).
  • Copy trades so poorly that it embarrasses our algorithm.
  • Reverse engineer our code to find out it's just a while(true) loop.
  • Send us support tickets asking "why did price go down?".

4. The "No Guarantees" Clause

We provide the Service on an "AS IS" and "AS AVAILABLE" basis. We expressly disclaim all warranties of any kind, whether express or implied.

Does the software work? Usually. Will it make you rich? Statistically unlikely. Will it open a buy position at the exact top of the market? Probably. That's just how the universe works.

5. Limitation of Liability

In no event shall Trade Copier, nor its directors, employees, partners, agents, suppliers, or affiliates, be liable for any indirect, incidental, special, consequential or punitive damages, including without limitation, loss of profits, data, use, goodwill, or other intangible losses.

Translation: If you lose your life savings, you cannot sue us. You can cry, but you cannot sue.

6. Account Terminaton

We may terminate or suspend your account immediately, without prior notice or liability, for any reason whatsoever, including without limitation if you breach the Terms.

We may also terminate your account if we just don't like your vibe. It's our server, our rules.

7. Intellectual Property

The Service and its original content (excluding Content provided by users), features and functionality are and will remain the exclusive property of Trade Copier and its licensors. You may not copy our logo (even though we literally just downloaded it from the internet).

8. Governing Law

These Terms shall be governed and construed in accordance with the laws of The International Waters, without regard to its conflict of law provisions. Any disputes will be resolved by a trial of combat.

9. Changes to Terms

We reserve the right, at our sole discretion, to modify or replace these Terms at any time. If a revision is material we will try to provide at least 30 days notice prior to any new terms taking effect. What constitutes a material change will be determined at our sole discretion (probably nothing).

10. Contact Us

If you have any questions about these Terms, please contact us. Actually, don't. We just copied this template from a generator.

This document was digitally signed by our lawyers who are definitely real people and not AI.